Most people prefer the money pain they know to the joy they don’t.
Actually, that’s probably all of us and it’s not just about money.
As a coach one of my biggest challenges is helping people to move beyond the limitations of their beliefs about their current situation. In many ways the coaching is the easy part. Getting them to start is the hard part.
And that’s why we have the Hero’s Journey. Why we love redemption stories.
But, in these stories, the hero is usually forced to start the journey. They don’t willingly choose to upend their lives and walk away from everything familiar.
You and me – well, we have bills to pay and stuff to do. And while things may not be that great moneywise, that’s sort of how it’s always been. And, in some ways, the thought of feeling different – even if different were better – can feel a little scary. I think part of it has to do with the fear of letting go of what is familiar.
Something else that comes up is giving yourself permission to feel better. The process of self-improvement is a gift to yourself and that can feel difficult. When you’ve been told to ‘suck it up’ and ‘that’s just how things are’ or ‘stop complaining’, then rejecting the status quo can seem like ingratitude because at heart you don’t feel you deserve better.
When it comes to money, people often move through the following stages:
I’m an adult.
It’s only numbers?
Why is this hard/confusing?
Why can’t I do this?
What’s wrong with me?
And then you’re trapped because shame has entered the room.
And with money, the added complication is that we don’t really talk about it. So it’s easy to think you’re alone with this issue.
And even though you know that’s probably not true, why risk asking someone and feeling stupid.
Why do we admire heroes? Because deep down we don’t want to be that person in our own lives. It’s not lack of motivation or willpower, it’s fear of change that keeps us trapped. If I change then:
What will I have to let go of?
What will I have to do?
What will I have to face?
Who will I be?
But, while fear is important, fear is not necessarily telling us the truth. Sometimes our emotions tell us to avoid things that won’t hurt us and could even benefit us.
So, if there’s something about money that you want to change, then look at what might be blocking you from moving forward. It will be fear-based and that’s OK. It’s trying to keep you safe, but it’s also robbing you of the chance to change for the better.
If it helps, try repeating this self-compassion mantra.
This is hard for me.
A lot of people find it hard.
Let me be kind to myself.
Then, book a chat with me.
If you’d like to explore what’s holding you back, let’s start with a chat.
And, if you’d like to explore how to help your clients, we can teach you that too.
