Did anyone ever show you how to understand or manage money?
I’ve been asking this question for nearly 10 years and the answer is always the same.
No. Nobody showed me how to understand or manage money.
As well as from my clients, I’ve heard this from accountants, planners, advisers, financial professionals of all sorts. Everyone.
So, if this is also you, then welcome. You’re not alone in not having been given any guidance. As a society, we don’t have have many people who model healthy communication around money and most parents are uncomfortable talking to their children about money.
But this doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about money.
You know a lot about money, just not in the formal sense.
In childhood, we mainly learn from other people’s behaviour. You will have observed the money behaviour going on around you and attached meaning to it. That will have created a set of beliefs about what you can do, be or have with money. Those beliefs will drive your behaviour.
If you grew up in a household where people clashed over money, then it makes sense that you believe money causes conflict. This may cause you to be avoidant or conflict-averse around money. It could make it difficult to ask for a pay rise or stand up for yourself in money discussions.
If you grew up in a household where money conversations were shut down or you were told “we don’t talk about money”, then it makes total sense for you to believe that money is a strange thing, a confusing thing, or even an immoral thing.
And if you wanted to understand it, perhaps you were made to feel that there was something wrong with you.
If you grew up in a household where there was no money, then being money-conscious makes sense. You may also have developed a feeling of not wanting to be a burden, so you put your needs last. Conversely, you may have made a subconscious pact with yourself that when you became an adult, you would spend freely, because the opposite was so painful to grow up with.
And, as well as learning from the behaviour of others, you may have been given direct messages about money and yourself:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“Don’t be so spoilt/greedy/ungrateful/needy.”
These messages will also have contributed to your beliefs about money.
Learn more about how money beliefs keep us trapped in patterns.
So, you may never have been formally shown how to understand or manage money, but you have a set of beliefs about money that are driving your money behaviour.
And if you do get round to learning about managing your finances, it’s still the beliefs that are in charge. That’s why you may know what you need to do but still can’t manage to do it. What you learned about money in childhood is the key driver of behaviour.
You can’t use logic to change a decision that wasn’t made by logic.
But you can change your beliefs. And that is the route to changing your behaviour.
Understand where your money blocks come from or contact us to find out more.
